Waffle Time

So you wake up one morning. Wake up is a strong word for it I know, you are barely conscious, just enough to feel the pain where you stubbed you toe on something, but not enough to remember that it was on the books that you left by your bed the night before and swore to yourself that you would remember in the morning so that you would not step on them. It’s not really important, the important thing is that you’re up, out of bed, walking around. So you’re up, and you begin the morning ritual. Look in the closet, no clothes. There are dirty ones on the floor, but nothing clean on the dresser. You look at the dirty ones.

"Are these really that dirty?"

No, no, don't start thinking that. You stop yourself just in time.

"Wait, that one there looks almost folded, maybe it just fell off the dresser."

No, stay with me, were going somewhere with all of this.

So anyway, you stagger out of the closet and head for the door to the hall and on your way to the bathroom. Watch it, you almost tripped over that pile of clean clothes... See I told you.

"Yeah, no one likes a know it all."

Ok, fine, skipping ahead. Clothes, clothes, teeth, shower, towel, hair, clothes. Good, we're all caught up. Now breakfast.

"No breakfast."

Like I said, no breakfast.

"Maybe just a little."

...

"Waffles I think."

Not the song, not the song.

"It's...waffle time, it's waffle time, time to sing and time to shine..."

This just isn't working.

"...did you get the waffle today, then hey hey hey we're on our way..."

I said, THIS JUST ISN'T WORKING...

"Aiya! Fine, I'll do it. I don't know what they brought you in for anyway. This whole skip around thing just makes me queasy. MTV does not work in print."

MTV!? Shows what you know. Plus, it’s the waffles making you queasy, anything that can survive in the freezer for years and then be hot and steaming and ready to eat in less than a minute...look at these ingredients, that thing is basically chemicals pressed into waffle shape.

"I know, it's in the song remember. ...If the Russians come, and the h-bombs fall, the waffles will protect us all, the chemicals leech into your skin, so the radiation can't get in..."

I quit.