Ombudsman

        "Good morning, you've reached The Office of the Federal Ombudsman, my name is Brian, how can I help you today."        "Mmm Hmm, let me just get a file started for you. Is this the first time you've called the Ombudsman? I see. Yes, well you see it a very large agency. The Director does not take the calls directly. No, no, that what I'm here for. Thats right."         …         "Ok, well can I just get your name please. Mmm Hmm, is that with a C or … a K, great. All right, what can I help you with."         …         "In your trash? Is this at your residence or place of business?"         "So the bags were all ripped up then? How, how long had the bags been out? I mean was this trash day or … Were they inside of the dumpster or just … oh you have cans there, of course."         …         "Well … perhaps this is an issue you should bring up the animal control service in your … Well no … I, I, I can just look up the number and …"         …         "Oh, I see. Well did you get a look at who it was. Right, the one who ripped the bags up. Right, right. Were there several of … just the one."         …         …         …         " … Uh … Yy-Yes I'm still here. Umm … Right, soooo I just want to make sure I have this right for the report. You're stating that on the night August the 21st of this year … The morning of the 2 … 22, mm hmm, OK, so some time that night, and you found them the next morning. Right. So during the night of the 21st, you witnessed an individual digging … uh huu, digging through your trash and … "         …         " … OK, so you witnessed Teddy Kennedy digging through your trash. Is that accurate?"         "Mmm Hmm. And … sooo you mean the senator, senator Kennedy? Right? How can you be sure it waaaas him?"         "No no, I just … well it was the middle of the night after all and … mm hmm … a streetlight. Still … no … no … well did he say anything?"         "Noooo, I don't think the senator can speak French. Well … no, no, it's not listed here on his personnel page."         …         "I suppose so, but why would he keep it a secret? … Yeah, ya … No, I'm entering it into the log now."         …         "Ok, well did he say anything else? Anything in English?"         …         "He said your lasagna … he wa … No, well I'm sure your lasagna is very good. Well it was a very rude thing to say … Yes right, over, over on the boat, I'm sure it's a very good recipe … Well your right, it's not going to be as good in the trash, I agree, I agree with you."         "Can I ask you about the, aaah, the senator again."         …         "No. Well it's just that I'm wondering if maybe you could be mistaken … Right. Right. Well it's just that Idaho is quite a distance from Washington D.C. and I thought that maybe …"         …         "Well I'm looking here at his voting records and it says that the senator was present for votes on the 21 and the 22 … ye … yes, well I don't know about security cameras, but senate proceedings are broadcast … they broadcast them live on, on CSPAN"         "About 11 am … Washington, eastern, eastern time."         "Well I suppose, but why would he travel to Idaho to … but why to … the … the lasagna … right."         "Well have you talked to your local Police Department about this?"         …         "No, I'm sure that the senator would be delighted to get a copy of the recipe, I just think that …"         "Right, but what I mean to say is that … mmm hmm, …"         "Ok, well let me just pull it up."         "Ok, you have a pen handy? Right, it's Office of Senator Kennedy, United States Senate, Washington D.C."         …         "Umm hmm, and it's 20510, … 510, 20510."         "Right, well I'm glad to help. Umm hmm, you have a nice day. Well thank you. Have a nice day. Goodbye."