Plastic Snails

        "Snails, large plastic snails. You can usually find them in chinatown. They have shops down there where they sell nothing but plastic food that the chinese restaurants put in their windows."        "I don't think the chinese eat snails."         "They don't, these are decorative snails. They put them around the food."         "And that's supposed to be appetizing?"         "Don't blame me, I'm not Chinese. Anyway, you get these snails and you take a craft knife or an xacto knife or something and cut a small hole in the bottom and then you fill them with meringue. Put them in the oven for like 25 minutes and then you can just peal the plastic off."         "Is that really safe, I mean putting the plastic things in the oven like that. Won’t the chemicals from the plastic get into the meringue?"         "Of course, that’s the point. See the plastic they use in those chinatown shops is the cheep stuff. Is full of lead and CFC's and dioxins and stuff. When you put it in the oven, all that leaches into the meringue."         "So then it’s poison."         "Well yeah," Simon had a puzzled look.         "Poison?"         "Yeah, it’s all poison."         "Poison poison?"         "Don't give me that look, you’re the one who wanted to get that dog to stop barking."         "Well what kind of solution is this? I mean first of all, if i wanted to poison him then there are a million better ways," Carol sat back in her seat in disgust, "and not one of them involved me driving all the way to chinatown to get some crazy plastic snails! I mean My God Simon! Why would you even suggest something like that?"         Simon hung his head and stopped making eye contact. Then he began to laugh. "They aren't for eating silly. Your just using the meringue because the dogs hate the way it sounds when you rub pieces together."         "You can't be serious."         "It’s true. I used to do it all the time to the dog that lived across the street when I was in grade school."         "And he stopped barking"         "No, he was never a barker, I just did it to annoy him."         "For heaven sakes, why?"         "He used to stare at my window at night from across the street. He had plans, I'm sure of it."         "Probably because you were annoying him all the time with your meringue. Where did you get snail shaped meringue to play with anyway?"         "I had my sources."         "Wait a minute, if your just rubbing it together, why does it need to be snail shaped?"         "It doesn't really I guess, but, well..." Simon took a sip of his juice, "it’s more for the aesthetic than anything."         Carol gave another puzzled look.         "Well if someone comes up to you on the street and asks what your doing and you tell them your rubbing to amorphous pieces of meringue together to bother the dog next door and try and get him to stop barking, they're going to think your crazy and call the police."         "They're going to say the same thing if the meringue is shaped like a snail."         "Maybe, but they will have to smile when they say it."