Twenty-First Century History

        When historians of our time look back at the events of the the twenty-first century, there are, as one might expect from such a crowd, specific incidents that come up again and again. Historians are, after all, supposed to compile lists of this sort, and although the government keeps a tight leash on each to prevent exactly that occurrence, they would be apt to make them even if they weren’t being paid for the privilege.        In any case, the big list as the media has dubbed this collection hits all the high and low points of the century to be sure. The wars are all there, of course. Although it seems a forgone conclusion today, few prognosticators at the beginning of the century would have guessed that the truculent French people, so tranquil in the previous century, would suddenly take such a turn. There were, in all, more than three dozen French wars. The war between the French and the Antarcticans, the war between the French and the Chinese, the war between the French and the other Chinese, the war between the French and the Moon People (or as we call them today, the Moon French), and of course, the war between the French and the French impersonators. But, as any historian worth his government issued historian identifier card will point out, not all wars are quite as conventional, not to mention fashionable, as those involving the French. According to one controversial theory from a group of greeting card historians at the Hallmark institute, many wars at the beginning of the century didn’t involve the French at all. And furthermore, that the term ‘war’ itself did, in past archaic meaning, refer to any armed conflict, not just those of the gallic persuasion.         The twenty-first century is also known for what was once called the ‘technological revolution’. Based on a primitive religion known as ‘science’, people of the age sought to transform the world around them, endowing every day objects with mathematical abilities far surpassing their own. Through these means, it is believed by our modern historians, the people of the world created a race of superior yet inferior slaves in which they found no end of fun, forcing the objects to use their analytical abilities to perform menial and degrading tasks. This trend continued, feeding twenty-first century man and woman’s thrust for dominance until the great toaster revolt and subsequent reign of the toaster overlords. Thankfully, this experience, and the hard lessons learned in the years of subservience and patient resistance, taught mankind a begrudging respect and deep seated distrust for any creature with wits enough to sum number to number, and then of course repeat this operation through a pattern of successive recursive calculations resulting in a meaningful result that is both provable and reproducible. But I digress.         Though marred by occasional prolonged and intractable conflict, the twenty-first century is also noted for its contributions to the arts. Although many noted artists continued the traditions of their forbearers, working in paint, stone, ink, and even data, the century’s most memorable artifacts of the so called art-scene were those produced by the artist and polymer-terrorist Lexhold Greburough and his artistic progeny. Lexhold, or ‘brother plastic’ as he was called by his followers…